for Children, Families, and Those who Love Them: Child Development, Intervention, and Parenting
How to hold a Family Council or Family Meeting
Perhaps the
most important organization or group is the family. A healthy family provides
the training ground for positive interactions within the larger community. The
family can also provide a refuge for peace and healing.
Unfortunately not all families provide all that children and adults
need to interact positively and effectively with each other and with the
community as a whole. Many of the principles and strategies provided in an associated website are as applicable to families as they are to other collaborations. And, much of
what is written on this page is as applicable to other collaborations as it is
to families.
Searching the internet for "Family Council" provided little
information. Searching for "Family Meeting" provided a wealth of great
information, some of which is linked from below. Because of the information
linked from below, this page will only add a few concepts and suggestions for
holding an effective family council.
When and Why
Family Councils are most effective when they are held regularly and
started when children are young. Once a week or at least once a month are
recommended. Special sessions for establishing goals can be held annually with
review of goals,
objectives, and measurable outcomes at least every three months.
Holding a Family Council or Family Meeting regularly and starting
when the family is young, and when relationships and circumstances are going
well and continuing the practice on a regular monthly; but at least quarterly basis, makes it easier and more effective to hold a Family Council when something
is not going as well, in more difficult times, and under more difficult
circumstances. Family Councils can be a wonderful training ground for
collaboration, goal setting, and conflict
resolution. A Family Council can help to strengthen family members and is a
great time to share esteem and love.
What to do and How to do it.....a few
suggestions.
Families do not all make decisions in the same way, some families are
more collaborative and some are
more authoritative. However decisions are made, in order for a family
council to be effective, a few effective rules need to be followed. The
following list includes both possible rules and suggestions for a positive
Family Council.
1. Each family member needs to be heard without the
fear of repercussions. "Real listening shows respect: It
creates trust. As we listen, we not only gain understanding; we also create the
environment to be understood. And when both people understand both perspectives,
instead of being on opposite sides of the table looking across at each other, we
find ourselves on the same side looking at solutions together." Stephen R.
Covey
If individuals are reluctant to share, you might go around the family
giving each specific opportunity for comment and/or questions. If a lack of participation
continues, perhaps you have not created a safe environment for sharing and there
is work that you need to do. You may want to increase safety and trust while
reducing stress. You may also try listening to each person individually to find out how you can improve the communication during the family meeting.
2. Only one person should speak at a time. Some times this is
facilitated by a 'talking item.' Some families use a stick or a water noodle or
a stuffed animal. The person who is holding the item 'has the floor' and can
speak. Everyone else needs to be silent and actively listen.
3. Respect each others physical and emotional space.
4. The purpose of a Family Council is to build and strengthen the
family and each individual member, not for criticism; however, if there is
criticism, it should be brief, no more than one minute or sixty seconds.
Criticism should NEVER be directed towards a person, but should ALWAYS towards
inappropriate behavior.
5. If criticism is used, at least twice as much time should be genuinely directed towards and focused on a persons strengths and showing increased love.
Be careful to not always link the two. Criticism should be sanwhiched between
positives. Start with a genuine postive and end with a genuine positive. Make
sure that for every time you give a critism, you provide at least two genuine
compliments or thank yous for something well done at different times during the meeting as well as outside the meeting. Remember that what ever you focus on
increases. Remember that sometimes people react inappropriately because
that is how they have learned to get their needs met or because of their own fears. Carefrontation is almost
always better accomplished one on one and not in a group.
7. Family Council is a great time to set goals both for the family
and for the individual. Areas that may be considered include: Social (both
internally within the family and externally with others), Physical/Health, Emotional, Spiritual,
Intellectual/Educational, Recreational, and Financial. It is also a great time
to write a Family Mission Statement and/or a Family Values Statement. When
setting goals, plan and write how you will accomplish them and how you will know
that they have been accomplished. Review and record progress. Adjust as
needed.
8. Discuss finances and plan a budget. Discuss, plan, and carry out
ways to save and possibly earn additional money.
9. Discuss family chores, rules, responsibilities, and
consequences.
10. The Family Council can be an excellent time to schedule the week
and let everyone know where everyone else will be, how they can be contacted and
who they will be with. This pertains as much to the adults as to the children.
11. End with a game or something fun. Treats are almost always a
great addition.
A Family Council does not guarantee perfection or that all will go
smoothly in the family. It is an effective tool and an even more effective tool
when used consistently, early and ongoing and in a positive and appropriate
manner.
Please ask questions and make comments within the goal discussion areas.
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Additional Resources:
Family Communication and Family Meetings
The Parent Report: Family Meetings